


seeing you under the stars' light

by celestixl



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: / behavior, F/F, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, just girlfriends being soft, this is more of a character study than anything i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 10:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11734851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestixl/pseuds/celestixl
Summary: au where Exy doesn’t exist, but Allison still finds something to love that her parents don’t approve of.not something -- someone.





	seeing you under the stars' light

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'pretty girl' by hayley kiyoko, aka THE renison song

When Allison was twelve, she had stepped out of their apartment building and watched two women in jogging clothes walking away from Central Park, hair in disarray, cheeks pink from exertion and the cold. They’d been holding hands, and as they walked past where Allison stood, one had leaned over to kiss the other’s cheek, the other laughed, and walking on her toes for a moment, had pulled the other down into a quick second kiss. 

She’d turned away and started walking towards her friend’s flat after that, but the image had stayed in the back of her mind.

\---

When Allison was fifteen, she’d come back home at 2 am with lipstick stains on her neck, and as she’d padded softly through the empty rooms, she’d heard her mother say through the open door of her study, “wipe that off and don’t let it happen again.” Allison had swallowed hard, pressed her lips together in a thin line, and had erased any trace of this transgression along with the makeup on her face. 

\---

When Allison was seventeen, the tabloids somehow got hold of photos -- photos of her kissing another girl, the two of them sitting side by side. The other girl was dark-haired and dark-skinned, beautiful in the way she smiled so brightly, laughed at Allison’s dry, sarcastic comments. Shining and glorious in the way her eyes sparked at mentions of misdemeanor and risk, the way her smile stretched wide and bright. Allison thought maybe she loved her. She’d liked the way they looked wrapped around each other, a sort of yin and yang, but her parents hadn’t seen the same beauty. 

They’d seen only the photos, the headlines, and then with a mixture of anger, disappointment, and apathy, had dumped enough money into various channels to bury the whole thing. 

Allison never saw the girl after that. 

\---

When Allison was seventeen, a fresh face in her new prestigious school and already ruling the entire campus, she’d started dating Seth. Seth, who cared only about football and little else, who had never read the tabloids, who she hated but also didn’t always quite hate. Maybe in a different world, a different life, they could have been friends. She could have taught him how to not be a homophobic asshole, and he could have taught her… Allison wasn’t sure what Seth could have taught her, in this other life, but she was sure there was something deep down inside him to share. (Maybe that somewhere, beneath everything and everyone, there was something to hope for, something to save.)

And then he’d gone and died, in a hit and run no one was entirely sure was 100% an accident, and Allison was alone again -- not that she’d ever felt particularly not alone with Seth -- and when she was eighteen, after losing two people from her life and living a lie for months, she’d hovered a razor blade over the smooth skin of her wrist, and then had thrown it with all her force across the bathroom.

Allison wasn’t weak, wasn’t broken, wasn’t unnatural, and she wouldn’t let anyone else make her think she was -- least of all her parents. 

\---

When Allison was eighteen, she’d sat in the middle of Central Park with another girl, and had held her hand, and had kissed her as easily as breathing, and when she’d come home to find her parents yelling, she’d told them to do what they wanted, she didn’t care -- she was leaving. 

\---

When Allison was nineteen, she found herself sitting in a history lecture at Palmetto State University, her eyes drawn incessantly the short white hair with rainbow tips sitting a few rows in front of her. Renee Walker, the girl had introduced herself when Allison had finally struck up a conversation after class the week before. She had pretty eyes and East Asian features and fair skin, and stood shorter than Allison, but with a quiet strength that kept Allison more muted than normal. 

Once again, the end of the lecture had found Allison timing her exit so that she walked past Renee’s row as the other girl exited, and fell into step with her. 

“Coffee?” she asked simply, and Renee’s small but warm smile was answer enough. 

That evening after dinner together, they sat in the grass of the quad as the sun sank behind the buildings, and as the stars emerged, Renee traced them with her fingers, naming constellations as the slowly appeared. 

“Perseus. Cassiopeia. I think that one’s Virgo. What’s your star sign?” 

“Cancer. Does it matter?” Allison said with a scoff, but part of her grew restless. Worried. 

“Not really, no,” Renee replied, shifting her eyes from the night sky to Allison lying in the grass beside her, turning from her cross-legged position to braced on her arm above Allison. 

Allison thought this view was better than the night sky anyways, with the shadows cast over Renee’s cheeks by her short cropped hair, eyes dark but somehow still vibrant, lips slightly parted. 

She told herself not to read too much into the way Renee was hovering nearly above her. 

Allison was usually forward enough to go for what she wanted, take what she wanted without compunction or hesitation, but something about Renee -- maybe it was the cross at her neck, or the modest clothing, or the way she smiled -- slowed Allison. 

Maybe it was Allison, drawing the moment out, savoring it. Not wanting to ruin it. 

Allison was still thinking about the impossibility of good things lasting when Renee lowered herself and kissed her. 

\---

When Allison is nineteen, the concept of good things beyond material comfort and possession stops being so much of a concept as a reality. When she sits with Renee draped over her lap, watching TV or reading, Allison can’t stop that feeling of contentment and happiness that she’s not used to from overtaking her. When she’s kissing Renee in the middle of a crowded restaurant, not giving a single fuck about who is watching or what they might think, and feels Renee smile beneath her lips, Allison knows she’d give up every last cent of her already withheld inheritance all over again in order to have this. 

When Renee smiles so easily, the perfect balance to Allison’s constant bitch face, Allison knows without a doubt she’d burn cities to see it again, if that’s what it took. 

When Renee takes Allison’s hand in hers, twines their fingers together, she feels whole in a way her parents never let her be, in a way the world never let her be, not till now.

**Author's Note:**

> i’ve had this sitting in my drafts for fucking forever so i figured i might as well post it already even if it sucks, sorry it’s so short also i didn’t edit it like. at all ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯, but i have another Thing i’m currently working on that is at 3k+ (!!!!) words and not really that close to being done. and yes, u heard right, _over_ 3k. can u believe i’m actually writing something over 2k? yeah me neither. 
> 
> anyways, find me on twitter and tumblr, both @reneewvlker <3


End file.
